CONFESSIONAL — By Sarp Sozdinler
artwork by Ciara Duffy
I do my taxes watching Godfather 2 every year. I once fast-forwarded through 2001: A Space Odyssey at 2x speed. Sometimes I hold my number 2 for too long I can’t even tell what’s going on down there anymore. I took a piss in my bully’s shoes when I was ten. Never sure whether “could care less” or “couldn’t care less” makes more sense. Never saw Lost but pretended to have in certain social circles. Laughed at jokes I didn’t quite grasp. Lied repeatedly about the number of people I’ve slept with. Resorted to writing as an excuse not to see a therapist. (Or a priest.) I let my boss think I’m dumb so he gives me less work. I let my girlfriend think I’m innocent by archiving my DMs. I’m not gay, but if Pedro Pascal started kissing me, I wouldn’t stop him. I stole money from my father’s purse when I was seven. Didn’t tell anyone about my birthday the day I turned nine. Got licked in the ear by my cousin’s best friend once. I can never figure out what fingerless gloves are for. I masturbate on the dime every time I’m pissed at my boss. I bought a large Dairy Queen Blizzard every day for three weeks after a particularly nasty break-up and consumed it alone in my car. Ate days-old Tupperware food to save money. Clogged the office toilet on multiple occasions. Took advantage of my Turkishness when submitting work to literary journals. I might be the first person in the world who abused on ibuprofen for three years. Pork paste addict. Said sorry to my dog for eating meat on a drunken night. Stomped on a jaywalking snail once and didn’t feel sorry. Cried after Kobe Bryant’s death. Didn’t show up for Mom’s funeral.
Sarp Sozdinler has been published in Electric Literature, Kenyon Review, Masters Review, Vestal Review, Fractured Lit, Hobart, JMWW, Trampset, and Maudlin House, among other journals. His stories have been selected or nominated for such anthologies as the Pushcart Prize, Best Small Fictions, and Wigleaf Top 50. He is currently at work on his first novel in Philadelphia and Amsterdam.